yesterday marked the first anniversary of my niece's passing (pictured with her siblings in 2005; kirsten is in center). she was a victim of the trolley square mall shootings last february; (her mother was also seriously injured at the time). there have been many rememberances offered on kirsten's behalf this past year. to name a few: my new niece, mallory, born in august was given kirsten's name for her middle name; in a family photo, i noticed another niece wearing the pink bracelet that kirsten's high school had sold on her behalf (it said remember kirsten i believe); kirsten's father, steve, gathered with family in june on what would have been kirsten's 16th birthday to plant a tree in her honor; her high school also sponsored a memorial on her 16th birthday; lily has taken to naming her doll(s) kirsten since her passing (even though we never sat down and explained what happened to her - assuming she was too young - it's interesting what kids will pick up on). yesterday my thoughts were most with my brother-in-law and his family as well as the other victims and families who are still dealing with the aftermath of this tragedy. i played the following hymn on the piano as i thought of them:
where can i turn for peace? where is my solace
when other sources cease to make me whole?
when with a wounded heart, anger or malice,
i draw myself apart, searching my soul?
where, when my aching grows, where, when i languish,
where, in my need to know, where can i run?
where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
who, who, can understand? He, only One.
He answers privately, reaches my reaching
in my gethsemane, Savior and friend.
gentle the peace He finds for my beeseeching.
constant He is and kind, love without end.
good friends of our family were also connected with this tragedy; you can read sally's post here. as i searched through some media files, i happened to find this post by the woman who wrote a touching poem that was on kirsten's funeral program; (she also is a good friend of pat's brother, steve).
since i recently read an inspiring story on a friend's blog, maybe i will share how the Lord touched pat and i personally through this tragedy. when i was pregnant with jake and his twin brother, ben, complications arose in the 19th week. jake and ben were born at 29 weeks gestation which gave pat and i 10 weeks to ponder things. during one of those ponderings, pat remembered an experience with his grandma hinckley which occurred when she lived in a nursing home at the end of her life. the family had gathered for a celebration of grandpa hinckley's 90th birthday. grandma hinckley had her head down and was withdrawn due to embarassment that the infirmities of old age had brought upon her. when steve and his family arrived, kirsten, who was one year old at the time, starting running around the room in circles. pat said his grandma just lit up after kirsten's arrival. pat was strongly impressed by how much joy kirsten brought his grandma hinckley and felt a desire to someday bring his own children to grandma hinckley. grandma hinckley passed away before we were married. pat and i felt strongly that ben was going to be with his grandma and others who had passed on; this knowledge gave us great comfort. when we lost kirsten last year, this experience came back to us. it was very poignant to me that kirsten was one of the key people in an experience that gave us such comfort when we experienced a loss. while i can't agree with someone maliciously shortening the life of another, i do think an all-knowing God used that experience to remind us that we are not forgotten and that we (especially kirsten) are known to Him. i was humbled too by how this poem that steve's friend wrote refers to "great-grandmother hinckley" since pat and i hadn't really shared that experience since ben's death and i have never met the author. both kirsten and ben are buried next to grandma hinckley, and my wedding and engagement ring were her rings. i find extra comfort in these thoughts.
my final thought is to share this beautiful scripture that i read on the poet friend's blog:
“To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified." Isaiah. 61: 3
10 comments:
what a beautiful post April. Thanks for sharing that about Jake and Ben, I loved it. If I ever have a personal tragedy, I'm sooo calling you first to comfort me! I think you have such comforting words.
Thanks for including my tribute in your tribute. It's amazing to me how small the world is in that you and I are connected in this tragedy.
This is a beautiful post April. I read the poem, and it brought me to tears today. What an amazing tribute to your niece.
That was truly a beautiful tribute April.
I remember when Jake and Ben were born and Annie writing me about them. I am so thankful you have a sweet memory to ease the sorrow of a difficult time in your life. This was a beautiful post, thank you for sharing.
I just love you! you are such an amazing woman! you have always been such a comfort to me at my very lowest moments. i am truly thankful that you have had these refining moments so that you could guide me through mine.
my heart truly goes out to your family. it is so comforting that we have each other here on this earth, as well as those watching over us from above. it is such an honor to remember them and live as they would have.
thank you for the beautiful thoughts!
April thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I love the stories about Jake and Ben, and Grandma Hinckley and Kirsten. I am sure your niece is smiling up there and thanking you for this beautiful tribute. You are a great friend and comfort for those around you. I am just so happy that I got to know you.
Love.
April, this is a wonderful post. Thank you for finding me. I love your story about Kirsten and great grandmother Hinckley. I must tell you that I had never heard any stories from Steve or anyone else about Kirsten's relationship with GG Hinckley - that was simply a clear and undeniable image that appeared when I wrote. This gives me chills. . . and a great deal of peace.
You write beautifully. I am thinking of Kirsten with love. God bless you and all the Hinckley family.
What beautiful imagery and thoughts you shared. Your strength makes us all better people! She was a beautiful girl, and no doubt in the care of a loving Grandmother and others.
April, what a beautiful post. I am so glad that you shared your experience. I am reminded of the faith and strength that I admired in you when I knew you 15 years ago. My heart goes out to you and your extended family at this time of remembrance.
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